I was watching “Elementary” earlier this week, and Sherlock Holmes explains that he doesn’t have room in his brain for things that aren’t “matterings” so he doesn’t listen or learn things that aren’t important.
I know the brain doesn’t actually work like that, but stress (and hormones when you’re pregnant!) make it feel this way. The last few weeks I have had a difficult time articulating simple thoughts, remembering tasks not connected to Wes’ care, staying focused. I joked that it’s like pregnancy brain all over again!
Today and tomorrow Wes goes in for the tests that will tell us if the chemo is doing what it is supposed to be doing – shrinking the tumors. He will have an MRI today and a retinal exam tomorrow, and possibly start his secondary therapies tomorrow (cryotherapy and/or lasertherapy). That’s two days in a row of sedation. If the tumors have gotten bigger, or if the pineal gland has something negative to show us, we will have to adjust his treatment plan. This will likely mean stronger chemo with possibly a stem cell transplant, and potentially removal of his left eye.
I know, I am trying to think positive. The statistics are in our favor that this is working, Wes is somehow happier and happier each day. But this is cancer. And I am superstitious. So when I watch the new Steel Magnolias (was pretty decent actually, Queen Latifah never makes anything bad) and see M’Lynn have to watch her daughter die, or read on the Badger Childhood Cancer Network facebook page about a teen who lost his battle with cancer this week, I worry that the universe is trying to prepare me for losing Wes.
There, I needed to get those thoughts out of my brain so I have room for all the positive thoughts and good news coming our way.