Attic Theory

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I was watching “Elementary” earlier this week, and Sherlock Holmes explains that he doesn’t have room in his brain for things that aren’t “matterings” so he doesn’t listen or learn things that aren’t important.

I know the brain doesn’t actually work like that, but stress (and hormones when you’re pregnant!) make it feel this way.  The last few weeks I have had a difficult time articulating simple thoughts, remembering tasks not connected to Wes’ care, staying focused.  I joked that it’s like pregnancy brain all over again!

Today and tomorrow Wes goes in for the tests that will tell us if the chemo is doing what it is supposed to be doing – shrinking the tumors.  He will have an MRI today and a retinal exam tomorrow, and possibly start his secondary therapies tomorrow (cryotherapy and/or lasertherapy).  That’s two days in a row of sedation.  If the tumors have gotten bigger, or if the pineal gland has something negative to show us, we will have to adjust his treatment plan.  This will likely mean stronger chemo with possibly a stem cell transplant, and potentially removal of his left eye.

I know, I am trying to think positive.  The statistics are in our favor that this is working, Wes is somehow happier and happier each day.  But this is cancer.  And I am superstitious.  So when I watch the new Steel Magnolias (was pretty decent actually, Queen Latifah never makes anything bad) and see M’Lynn have to watch her daughter die, or read on the Badger Childhood Cancer Network facebook page about a teen who lost his battle with cancer this week, I worry that the universe is trying to prepare me for losing Wes.

There, I needed to get those thoughts out of my brain so I have room for all the positive thoughts and good news coming our way.

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6 responses »

    • Susan – it is hard to be sad for too long! And when we have days between doctor appointments or home health nurse visits, I find that it is easier to not think “CANCER, CANCER, CANCER, CANCER” for longer periods of time.

  1. Wes, Jake and Angie, GOOD LUCK tomorrow I am praying for you (this may backfire) I wanted to tell you how wonderfull people can be. I went to Knoches grocery store and had a conversation with the checkout person. She is a lady about my age who has lived in the area all her life. I showed her the flyer about the fundraiser. Her responsewas ” I can’t do much but I knit childrens mittens and I will donate several pairs for the auction” people surprise me love Marcia.

    • Marcia – People continue to astound and amaze me with their generosity. Tell your neighbor we greatly appreciate it. Also, if she is so moved to, the hospital can always use a variety of styles/colors/sizes hats because they give them to the kids who come to the hospital all the time. I can take care of getting them to the hospital.

  2. I adore you for your honesty in the face of such a horrible situation. Thank you for sharing your story without sugar coating it. Thank you for allowing people to follow you on this journey. Thank you for Wes, who continues to remind me of what’s really important in life and how minor the little things really are. Thank you for giving me the courage to think that if something like this were to ever happen to me and my family, it’s going to be ok and normal for me to respond with honest emotions of anger and fear while still striving to think positively. Thank you.

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